| Admit it. You snickered, rolled your eyes and laughed | | | | communication. Personality issues arose. There was |
| out loud as the group of "Average Joes" filed out of | | | | discussion centering on likes,dislikes, attitudes and some |
| their busto meet Melana that first night. You probably | | | | of their own personal and family history. They began |
| thought "no way" as you settled in for a soap about a | | | | to get a sense of each other’s basicvalues and |
| beautifulgirl's rejection of the geeks. Indeed, Melana | | | | goals. Their ability to relate verbally and intellectually |
| herself stated, "someone is messing with my head", as | | | | started to come into play. |
| the next | | | | At this point, Adam seemed a strong front-runner. Do |
| "average" guy stepped down to meet her. | | | | you remember what qualities Melana highlighted as |
| However, in the episodes that followed, there was | | | | shediscussed her feelings about him? "He's funny, |
| bonding, friendship and attraction between Melana | | | | down-to-earth, smart, liked by everyone, and just a |
| anda number of the guys. It actually began to look as | | | | great guy." |
| though she was falling for at least one or two of them. | | | | Do you remember their first "passionate" kiss, and how |
| Then came the twist. The "gorgeous" guys were sent | | | | surprised Melana was at what a great kisser Adam |
| in to challenge the Joes and test Melana's abilityto see | | | | is? Wehave to wonder why she was so surprised. |
| past the surface and choose based on what each | | | | Perhaps because he didn't look like the type? But he |
| man had to offer as a total package. | | | | clearly was. Itappeared that Melana was forming a |
| At that point, what were you thinking? Who was your | | | | strong bond with him that included all of the elements |
| front-runner? Did you think it possible that the | | | | that love requires- includingphysical attraction. |
| bondsthat had been formed would be strong enough | | | | So what happened? |
| to hold Melana's attention- and heart? I'm guessing | | | | Enter the hunks. Do you remember Melana's face as |
| thatmany people did. I know a lot of people were | | | | they were brought into the room? Pleased would be a |
| routing for Adam or Zack. | | | | good description. |
| So, what happened? In the days that followed the final | | | | Her physical attraction to them was obvious and |
| episode, virtually all of the commentary centered on | | | | strong. She used words like "handsome, great body, |
| avery basic and "simple" explanation of Melana's | | | | too pretty", todescribe them. Still, she was drawn to |
| choice. They all said it was about "looks". | | | | Adam. |
| While I agree that physical attraction played a | | | | As the show went on, Melana had individual dates. She |
| significant role, I believe Melana's choice involved more | | | | decided to go out with the new guys to give them a |
| than this. | | | | chance. |
| How we choose has to do with many things. These | | | | She eliminated Zack, to whom she had admitted |
| include: | | | | having a strong physical attraction for, while being |
| * physical attraction | | | | unsure about hisother attributes. |
| * shared interests | | | | Towards the end, it was Adam vs Jason. Who would |
| * social compatibility and friendship | | | | she choose and why? Clearly, the way Jason looked |
| * intellectual compatibility | | | | was a major factorin his staying on. However, Melana |
| * ability to communicate | | | | also talked about her comfort with him and the ease |
| * basic values | | | | she felt in their ability tocommunicate. Melana also |
| * level of self-knowledge | | | | rated their physical intimacy as great. Indeed the |
| * level of maturity and dating experience | | | | scenes shown from their datesdemonstrated a strong |
| * personal and family goals | | | | chemistry. Melana was very drawn to him. But what |
| I am going to do a brief examination of how these | | | | about Adam? |
| played a role in Melana's final decision. Follow along | | | | Do you remember how Melana showed mixed |
| with me andthink about how these factors come into | | | | feelings on her second to last date with Adam? She |
| play in your meeting and dating life. Perhaps Melana's | | | | expressed thatshe felt conflicted. Adam was hurt and |
| public struggle withthese can provide some valuable | | | | said so. Even so, they were able to go on with the |
| insights into how you choose potential partners and | | | | date and have a pretty good time. |
| assist you in your desire to makethe best (and | | | | On their last date, there seemed to be a real bond. |
| healthiest) choice for you. | | | | Melana got a lot more information about Adam. He |
| Let me begin by stating an obvious point that we are | | | | issuccessful, hard working, has many close friends and |
| all aware of. The circumstances and setting of the | | | | healthy family relationships. Clearly, she was |
| meeting anddating that takes place on a "reality" show | | | | impressedand drawn to all of these traits. But not |
| have little resemblance to the real world of dating. | | | | enough.... |
| Dates are chosen, asis the person who will be doing | | | | So why her final choice? Melana found friendship, good |
| the choosing. They are sequestered in a beautiful, | | | | communication, compatibility, mutual respect, comfort |
| romantic place where all theirphysical needs are | | | | andattraction with Adam. She also found these with |
| attended to and everyone can present themselves in | | | | Jason. In addition, there was a STRONGER physical |
| their best light. The real world of money, time,energy | | | | attraction. |
| and the need for making dating plans are all handled | | | | Remember her words, "look at him, who could resist |
| by professionals who go "all out". Even thoughthe | | | | that face". |
| contestants spend weeks together, they are not | | | | The answer for her final decision? I can only speculate |
| confronted with the real life issues that singles in the | | | | here. However I believe it had to do with her level of |
| dating worldmust deal with. Therefore, the | | | | maturityand self-knowledge. Someone with greater |
| circumstances are idyllic. This has pros and cons. I think | | | | self-awareness, a strong handle on their life goals and |
| we all have a pretty good idea ofwhat these are. The | | | | a level of maturity thatteaches us that looks fade while |
| major plus is that everyone can present themselves | | | | other attributes become stronger over time; may very |
| "equally". The major drawback is that eachrelationship | | | | well have chosen Adam. |
| is limited to this fantasy existence, and there is no | | | | Instead, Melana appeared to have succumbed to the |
| opportunity to see each other deal with the day to | | | | immediate passions of the here and now, instead of |
| daychallenges of real life. | | | | looking aheadto who would be the best choice for |
| Stepping back into the episodes prior to the inclusion of | | | | husband, father and partner in the future and |
| the "hunks", can you recall the great dates that Melana | | | | sometimes harrowing journey ofcommitment, marriage |
| hadwith the guys? The group dates were full of laughs | | | | and family life. |
| and bonding on a friendship level. We all | | | | I read with interest that Melana and Jason's |
| enjoyedwatching Dennis get to the top and see the | | | | "relationship" appeared to be over after their return |
| support and caring that were shown towards him. | | | | from their final fantasydate. I was not at all surprised. |
| With each week, | | | | One can only guess what went on. I think a good |
| Melana discussed and demonstrated the attractions | | | | guess is that they got to knoweach other better |
| she was forming with different guys on different levels. | | | | without the pressure and competition that had come |
| Afew rose to the front of the line as she eliminated | | | | before.. Perhaps Melana began to see thatalong with |
| based on not just looks, but on the "connection" she | | | | his sweetness, Jason had a strong passivity towards |
| felt with each. | | | | life, whereas Adam strove for achievement through |
| Indeed, she used this word a lot. This connection was | | | | hardwork and determination. Jason seemed to be in |
| formed by the elements of: | | | | need of time and maturity before he would be able to |
| * social compatibility and friendship | | | | move towardsan intimate and committed relationship |
| * ability to relate | | | | and the responsibilities and challenges that come with it. |
| * comfort level | | | | No one but Jason and Melana will ever know for sure. |
| * basic attraction | | | | I just can't help but wonder if she will regret her |
| Just prior to the twist episode, Adam and Zack | | | | decision andwish she had been older and wiser when |
| seemed to be the front-runners. In their individual dates, | | | | she was asked to make it. |
| they wereable to get to a deeper level of | | | | |