| You will no doubt be looking forward to your first day. | | | | knows how to do passwords. |
| Your new employers will no doubt have got the red | | | | Of course, you assume that forgot and wrong |
| carpet out for you at the formal interview process. | | | | passwords only happen to you but no - it happens to |
| Everyone will have got their best suits out. The | | | | everyone. |
| interview will have been a bit of an inconvenience for | | | | When you do start to get email, the first few will be |
| them, having to take a day away from the email and | | | | about lottery groups and other non essential activities. |
| the office. It may even have come as a surprise to | | | | Your colleagues may be interested in you but only to |
| them that the whole place didn't go to rack and ruin | | | | be nosey and you may feel like you are being |
| without their presence. Unfortunately, though, it will be | | | | interrogated about how many children you have, |
| downhill from here. Read on to find out why. | | | | where you used to work and what it was like. |
| What can you expect on your first day? | | | | Anything you say now can and will be the subject of |
| You are likely to turn up slightly early which is OK | | | | cafeteria or lunch time gossip for at least the next |
| because it doesn't matter what time you turn up, the | | | | week. |
| receptionist is unlikely to be expecting you. You will | | | | Expect people to say to you "you must be mad to |
| probably have to wait a while in the public area. | | | | want to work here" quite a lot. What they would do if |
| Your immediate Manager will meet you and probably | | | | they won the lottery will be the main topic of |
| pass you on to a supervisor or Team Leader. The | | | | conversation. |
| Manager has to go to a vital meeting or something | | | | Drink and snack machines will obviously snaffle your |
| else more important than successfully making a good | | | | money and not give you the correct item. |
| first impression. | | | | If there is a notice board, it will be hopelessly out of |
| You will probably take your educational and other | | | | date. A few tatty menus for local food and drink |
| certificates along with you but don't worry, they won't | | | | places and negative press clippings about your new |
| be needed. If they are looked at, that is a bonus. If they | | | | employer will be the "news" |
| are copied by a manager or team leader, you will | | | | Posters on the wall will be limited to football and Cliff |
| probably see them later on the manager's desk, | | | | Richard. Calendars will be at least 2 years out of date. |
| starting to "sink" into their paperwork. | | | | There will be nowhere prominently displayed frequently |
| Your immediate supervisor will have a desk which | | | | asked questions like opening hours or phone numbers. |
| looks like a building site. There will be piles of paper and | | | | Any technical manuals or essential reference books |
| reports all around the desk and immediate area. | | | | will be out of date. |
| Passers by will walk past and toss items anywhere on | | | | Lunch time will include some complicated and |
| the desk. The phone will ring constantly, and they will | | | | seemingly cast in stone procedure for deciding who |
| receive numerous trivial interruptions. | | | | goes at what time. You will have no say in this and will |
| They will be trying to deal with some catastrophe that | | | | have to fit in. Any requests you have will be ignored. |
| has happened in the last few days (note, never, ever, | | | | If leaving time is variable or if the office works flexi |
| will you find someone trying as urgently to prevent | | | | time, the same will apply to going home. |
| such a catastrophe). | | | | A new mum will come in with a baby; no-one will tell |
| The main computer system will probably be offline. | | | | you who she is. Although everyone will stop work for |
| A Director or Senior Manager is unlikely come around, | | | | half an hour (except you obviously) |
| but if they do, expect a few minutes of awkward | | | | In your first few days, someone will ask you for |
| conversation about your previous job, your journey to | | | | money. This will either be for lottery (in which case it |
| work and the weather. | | | | will be at least £3 and some complicated |
| Then they will say something like "Oh well, I can see | | | | system as to why this is so), race for life or some |
| you are busy, I'll leave you to it" and leave. | | | | other charitable event or raffle tickets. |
| You may have some combination of a desk, chair, PC | | | | Don't think about going anywhere out of the public |
| and a phone etc but probably not altogether. Any | | | | areas because you will not be issued with a security |
| significant problems you have using a PC or sitting at a | | | | badge/passcard for at least a week and when you do |
| desk will be pretty much ignored because the | | | | it will have your name spelt wrong on it. It will expire at |
| workstation will not have been risk assessed for | | | | the end of the month because "other people haven't |
| years. Some of the items may be broken. | | | | stayed that long" |
| If you have a desk, it may have someone else's | | | | As far as your training for the job goes, you can |
| personal belongings stored in it. | | | | expect your supervisor to say something like "we |
| If you have a computer that works, don't worry, your | | | | haven't really had time to sort anything out". You may |
| password and IT access will not have been setup. | | | | be left to read the publicly available literature (which |
| If they have, they won't work or will have expired or | | | | you probably have read anyway). |
| the responsible person you need in IT will be away | | | | Enjoy your new job - And don't forget it will be pay |
| from his desk, on a course or off sick and no-one else | | | | day soon - that's if payroll even knows who you are. |